i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
