I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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