you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
