During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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