She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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