I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need a burrito and a hug.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
