im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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