Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
