Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
