He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
