wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We smell like vodka and hangover
The ass gains better be worth it
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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