he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
