In the future we'll all be gay
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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