I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
