you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I came so hard my ears popped.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
