I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
