At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
