Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
