New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
