peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize