Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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