it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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