just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think a kid would responsible me up
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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