Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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