my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
