Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
