Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
