The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
