Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
