can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
