i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
