can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
did i just pee glitter
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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