i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
