No stitches, just platelets and will power
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
