what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
