come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
