Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
