Already got asked if we're dating
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
