Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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