i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
MIDGETS
????
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
