guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my being single is dangerous.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
