I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
