Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize