I am spending my child support on dildos
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
