Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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