it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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