Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
