Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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