I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
