You just made me feel so damn special
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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