I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
