so that wasnt chicken after all
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
