im six kinds of drunk right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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