She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
