Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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