its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
