You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
