Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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