dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
