kristin has been a bad kristin
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize