just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
