Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
