is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
