i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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