..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
