you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
