just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
