I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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