Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i think i just lost a toe
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
