TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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