there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
