Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
