I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I intend to get homeless drunk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
