I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
